Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Are there pick-up lines for play dates?

So I was at Michaela's ballet class, watching Evan ham it up for the other parents, when I experienced something that I have only read about before. I was propositioned for a play date. Wikipedia says a play date is an arranged appointment for children to get together for a few hours to play. Don't get me wrong, my kids have had arranged play with friends, but with friends we already know. But this was a stranger. Somebody, who in my mind, thinks that my kids are so cool that she'd like to have her kids play with mine, in hopes that their coolness rubs off. Okay, so maybe that's not what she was thinking. Maybe she just wants to hang out with me. After all, I am quite a catch. I rush in to ballet class all hot and sweaty, 'cause I had to put holey tights on Michaela and put her tangly hair up in a bun, all while keeping Evan from tearing the place up. Then I proceed to play ringmaster to Evan, keeping him quiet (as if that is even possible) while keeping this tornado of energy confined to a 5x10 space with no toys. If we do bring toys, I then have to keep him from crashing the car/airplane/buzz lightyear/alien guy/monster truck into the wall/chair/other parent/sleeping baby. And I'm doing all this while watching the graceful Michaela Plié/Chassé/ Passé/Relevé/Sauté and smiling approvingly. This mom has a little boy the same age as Evan. He's so quiet, mild mannered and speaks with a normal level of volume. She has seen Evan in action for 3 weeks now. So she knows what she is in for. I am quite happy that we've been asked to play. Most of the time, when we're in public, I get the feeling other parents are looking at me like "OMG! Can't you control your kid?" Which isn't really true, right? They are probably just amused at his antics. Either way, Evan's antics have not scared away this mom. So we exchange numbers on little torn pieces of paper, but now I'm wondering what the rules are about calling for a play date. Are there rules like supposedly there are with dating? How many days do I wait to call? Who calls first? If she buys dinner do I have to sleep with her? Oh wait wrong rules. This is all new to me. I'm used to my kids playing with my friends' kids. If Evan does something embarrassing, hits or won't share, I just deal with it, without fear that they'll never call again. But this new situation has a risk of rejection. But I'll cross that bridge, if it comes. Until then I start thinking of the excuses I can make for Evan's behavior. Isn't that what parenting is all about?

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Should I Say "Ah Sweet" or "Get Away Creepy Stalker Kid!"



I went to Michaela's school today because the school lunch menu said there was a "BBQ". All parents were invited. So I braved the idea of eating a school lunch and showed up. I was the only parent! I don't know if that says something about me or school lunches. Anyway, I found Michaela waiting in line, near the end, and asked her classmates if I could take cuts. Now if you know anything about the politics of taking cuts in elementary, you know it could be a dangerous thing to ask. But luckily they were obliging. So this little brown-haired boy asked if I was Michaela's Mom. I said, "Yes". He said, "I'm Michaela's boyfriend." Wow, that's a surprise. She has never mentioned a boy at school. So he then asked if Michaela has mentioned him before. I asked his name, "Blake" he answered. I lied and said, yes. He then reassured me that he watches over Michaela, to make sure nothing happens to her. He says, "I'm like a spy. I'm always watching her, nobody even knows I'm there." WTF!?! I wish I had a picture of this kid. He has dark circles under his eyes and silver caps on several teeth. And he talks sorta monotone. Does he stay up all night thinking about my daughter? Then he turns to Evan and says, "Hey, I'm your sister's boyfriend." To which Evan has no response so the kid starts to tickle Evan and play around. Almost as if he thinks if he can get in good with Evan, he'll surely win over Michaela. The whole time Michaela is looking at me with an expression that at times shows guilt. Why hasn't she told me about him. Then later when I question her about Blake, she doesn't really want to talk about it. So far the details I know after grilling her is, he sits at her table, in the next chair, right next to her! Sometimes they eat lunch together, sometimes they play at recess. She says they play "Star Wars" and "Power Rangers". Later she confesses to Adam that her and Blake got in trouble for holding hands. I asked Michaela what exactly she thinks a boyfriend is, what it means. She replies, "I means we love each other. And someday we'll get married." This is no good! I reiterate that she is not allowed to kiss, ever!
Tomorrow I am volunteering in her class. I'm supposed to teach an art lesson. How can I teach art, when all I will be doing is monitoring this Blake's every move? Maybe it's time to look into an all girls school, or maybe homeschooling? If I can keep her isolated forever...okay maybe that's too much. But at least if she's gonna have a boyfriend, couldn't it be anyone else but the creepy stalker kid?

Monday, October 13, 2008

Doing My Part To Save The Planet

I have lately been walking to the grocery store. It's about 8 blocks away or so. I do this for several different reasons. But since doing "green" things are so popular these days, I'm pretending that I do it to save fuel. I've been walking more, in an effort to facilitate accelerated weight loss. One day I needed to go the grocery store, so I multi-tasked. I figured I could accomplish several things at once. Walk the boy, get groceries, melt some pounds, get fresh air and of course, save the planet. I'm listening to McCain and Obama and I'm reducing my dependence on foreign oil. And I'm so good at saving the planet that I'm using those recycled/reusable shopping bags that are so "in fashion" these days. I load the boy and the bags in the little red wagon and off I go. I walk so proudly, glaring with judgement as mini-vans whiz past full of kids and groceries. I enter Albertson's with a "I'm so self important" attitude and go directly to the hummus. I just figure that goes well with my "saving the planet" image, and it's soooo tasty! This whole adventure lasts about 2 hours. Which according to my calorie-counting website, burns about 400 calories. I just thought I'd brag about myself for awhile. Look at me, I'm so good!